Friday, July 15, 2011

Great New Deal from Netflix: Two for the Price of Two-and-Two-Thirds!

Okay, Netflix. I'm gonna have to go ahead and assume that some insane criminal mastermind seeking world domination through the unassuming avenue of DVD and movie rentals has held captive the entire board of Netflix executives, unleashing a raucous, evil laugh as he notifies the world that he will be raising everybody's Netflix subscription fees an unbelievable sixty percent. SIXTY percent. Six. Oh.


What I can best equate this insane action on the part of the Netflix Corporation is the parable of The Goose that Laid the Golden Egg, and the greedy saps that cut its gut open only to find an empty cavity, and left then only with a dead goose.


Up until September 1, current customers of Netflix pay $9.99 for both unlimited streaming and 1 DVD at a time rentals. After this date, the new price is $15.98 (or $7.99 for each individual service, should you choose to accept only DVDs or unlimited streaming.) In Netflix's most recent blog entry announcing the price hike, the company expectantly tried to spin and twist the impending change by using terms like "by offering our lowest prices ever" and "now we offer a choice!" as well as the shameless reach with "a terrific value!". Um, perhaps I wasn't a Math major in college, but paying $15.98 for the exact same service that I once paid $9.99 for seems to be the highest price ever which is forced upon me with NO choice if I remain a customer, and all at a butt-raping value.


Clearly, this asinine move is the product of pure greed, aided by the runaway success of Netflix stomping the competitors (i.e. Blockbuster) into a writhing bloody pulp. Netflix has a short memory; in it's early years, their potential went gravely unnappreciated as the big names in movie rental failed to jump on the mail-rental-service-and-live-streaming-all-at-a-great-price bandwagon. Meanwhile, customers began to come in droves exponentially, appreciating Netflix's great prices and decent movie selection (though never to do outdone by the more expensive cable on-demand services). These troops stuck with them, drudging through the late release dates and the growing pains of streaming ginormous movie files, helping to build the success that they are currently enjoying (Which begs the question: Where's the reward for loyalty?). I think the maxed out blog comments on Netflix's blogspot, most of which are dripping with ire and feelings of betrayal, have shown Netflix just how angry the world is with their cruel "Bait and Switch".

In this monopolious (yeah, I made up a word....so?) attempt to trap current as well as new customers at a price that threatens to destroy the legacy of Netflix all together, these media mogels are perhaps forgetting that customers can, (and surely will, should they not adjust this price hike), cancel at any time - if even for no other reason but on principle alone.











































Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Top Ten "Most Pointless Lists" List


10. Top 40 Robots of All Time (Fictional and Real) (pastemagazine.com)


Really? Only 40? I can think of at least...60 popular robots vying for a top spot on this exclusive list (if you count each robot that has ever existed 15 times). But what is perhaps most disturbing about this list is the fact that the holder of the lowly #40 spot belongs to the life-saving innovative medical technology of the DaVinci surgical robot, while Disney’s Wall-E has a firm grasp at #1. (Oh and like 15 other Japanese personal assistant robots that can open cans of soda are somewhere in the middle.)


9. Top 10 Dumbest Dog Breeds (hubpages.com)


That's not nice. And, quite frankly, a little dog racist to even single them out. Anyway, where's the research to back up such a list? Broad-sweeping judgments on dog intellect isn't fair...I vote we change the list to the "Top 10 Dog Breeds That Look Like They Have Balls Hanging From Under Their Chins"...


8. Top 10 Songs About Presidents (LA Weekly)


I'll give you $1000 right now if you can name just one. Can't do it? That’s surprising. Hmmm...Who could forget that ol' ragtime-blues dirge to President McKinley and his numerous botched surgeries? That one was timeless...

7. Top 10 Movies About Cancer (Top-10-Lists.org)


Thanks...I'll avoid those.

6. Top 3 Mighty Ducks Movies (peterandrobmakelistsofthings.blogspot.com)


Some decisions are just impossible to make.


5. Top 10 Needlepoint Websites (topsite.com)


Yes, folks, what we have here is proof that the internet is a limitless abyss of information that discriminates against no one. Even if I knew a person who was a diehard needlepoint enthusiast...and even if said enthusiast knew how to work the internet, and EVEN IF that enthusiast could work a computer with her arthritic fingers, I would never expect that person to need an entire ten suggestions for websites to peruse.


4. Top 10 Ways to Stop Your Cat From Urinating-Peeing-Defecating-Pooping on Plants-Carpet-Furniture (123-pet.com)


This list isn’t so much “pointless” as it is entertainingly charming. I couldn’t help noticing the deep thought that went into choosing the absolute perfect title for this list. There’s something about hyphenated verbs that just rolls off the tongue…But in all honesty, if I owned a cat, I’m sure it would urinate-pee-defecate-poop on my plants-carpet-furniture. So I’ll keep this one in my bookmarks.


3. Top 10 Third World Countries (toptentopten.com)


Oddly enough, I found this list after Googling “weight loss secrets”. This list compiles the globes most laughable developmental wannabes. For the record, one of the prerequisites to make this list is having your own set of pirates.


2. Top 10 Ways to Know if You Might Be a Member of a Public-Sector Union (dailycaller.com)


Zzzzzz…….


1. Top 6 Most Awkward Spelling Bee Moments (elistmania.com)


I don’t know what’s more patheticthe fact that they can’t think of an even “10” awkward moments in Spelling Bee history, or that somebody out there cares enough about Spelling Bee history at all to compile an entire list about it. Either way, this list is incredibly superfluous. “Superfluous….S-U-P-E-R-F……..”